Actors as Role Models?

CNN recently shared a poll where many people thought that Charlie Sheen should be removed from his hit show because of his actions off the stage ... drunken craziness...  This has also come up recently with Mel Gibson losing his job on the sequel to "The Hangover", the reprimand from parents associations about sexy photos of 17 year old Miley Cyrus and talks about whether Lindsey Lohan can resurrect her career after her rehab stint.   I am not condoning any bad behavior, but these people are ACTORS!!!  If their off stage antics does not effect their ability to do their job than why should any of us care?  Most actors did not choose the career because they wanted to be role models to us all, they choose it because it would give them the Hollywood life that we all grew up envying (or maybe they like to act).  Either way, they don't care about how there actions effect you and they shouldn't. 

The ones who want to be role models participate in campaigns to help young children or causes they believe in.  We can respect that, but we can't hold everyone in Hollywood to that standard.  Are we so naive as to think that Cary Grant never got drunk and trashed a hotel room or that Judy Garland wasn't a drug addict who had been confined to a mental institution... oh wait, that happened.  Is it that we have forgotten that even the icons in Hollywood were part of the Hollywood stigma, or is it just that TMZ was not there to catch the every mistake?

Get over it.  We choose who our role models are and good role models effect our lives more than just on or off the screen.  Role models should inspire us to be more and to acheieve great things.  But even good role models may fail and hopefully we can learn from their mistakes and be better for it.  Of course it would be nice if the people we see and sometimes idolize were perfect. but no one is perfect, we are just lucky that no one follows us around 24/7 with a camera.

Kissing my mommy guilt goodbye

I recently read the article "Kiss Mommy Guilt Goodbye" from Parenting.com and it was very refreshing.  As I talk to more and more mommies I have come to find that when giving a first impression we all want everyone to think that our lives are perfect.  Our wonderful children eat anything, sleep well, don't have tantrums and know their multiplication tables by their 2nd birthday.  We love them so much and want to spend every minute with them.  We miss them when we are away and just love being mommies.  I am sure that there are mommies out there who become teary eyed and miss their children when they go the bathroom, but not all of us, and trying to be the 'perfect mom' makes us feel guilty because we know inside that we need our Me Time.

I have been traveling to DC recently for work and other events and have been able to spend good time with my friends.  I really enjoyed my time away was starting to feel guilty about having fun away from my daughter.  I love being a mom, but I there is more to me than that and I really do not want to change.   I have recently been trying to make friends in our 'new' (3 years now) town, so I joined a few meetup groups and a mommy group.  My husband was reading an email we received which listed several activities including, book club, crafting club, cooking/meal planning, and a games nights.  I asked if he thought beer pong would be included in game night.  He looked at me and said 'I can't believe you are a mom'.  Yeah, me too! 

You can stop judging now... I did make my daughter christening gown from a pattern and made all of her food fresh until she was 1 (I still make her fruits).   I know that I am a good mom, but that does not mean that my life must now be consumed by fingerpaints and puppets.  It is about finding the right balance so that you do not lose who you are.   Having a night or two out with my husband or friends is a good thing and I know that when I get home she will come running to give me a hug and I will appreciate that hug more than ever! 

I am a "Woman Driver"

Oh jeez...  I always laughed at the stereotype of a 'woman driver', even contributing when I passed a 'woman driver' on the highway with their blinker on too long, or when they are swerving all over the place.  Do having children make you a bad driver?  I don't have the statistics about whether all those 'woman drivers' that I have made fun of have children, but that is the only logical explanation for my recent parking job.

I have always prided myself on my good driving.  I always use my blinker (to an OCD level), I am courtesty and thoughful when it comes to other drivers and am pretty cautious.  Although I tend to have a lead foot, I am a very safe driver.  I used to curse drivers who would park over the line and prevent me from enjoying the full space that I thought was MINE.  I took this picture of my parking job while dropping Mattie off at day care the other day.  Really! 

I don't know what my problem is but I have noticed that I have been parking poorly ever since she was born.  Is bad driving hormonal, or do we just stop caring about every other driver because we have more important things to worry about?  I am sure the mom or dad who parked next to me cursed me when they learned they could not have there child exit on the drivers side because I was taking up too much space!  I am going to try to make it in the lines next times, but no promises.  One day at a time...

I run like Homer Simpson!

In order to be a happier Me, I need to get ‘back’ into shape. To be honest, I am not sure I ever really was ‘in’ shape, so ‘back’ may be a stretch. I have always been athletic, gymnastics, basketball, softball… but I could NEVER run. I always envied my roommate in college who would come back from runs, sweaty but refreshed. I wish I could just go out for a run, but it would always end up being a 5 minute jog followed by some huffing and puffing and ended with me looking ridiculous as I walked back home. I tried to run a 10K for the American Heart Association’s Lawyers Have Heart, but my friend was running circles around me trying to motivate me to push harder so that the little bus at the end would not force me to get on. I have been going to the gym and trying to run on the treadmill, but it is sooo hard. Twice the 80 year old guy was running 8 minute miles while I had to stop every .25 miles to walk and catch my breath… pretty embarrassing but I have to start somewhere. I have looked around on the internet and found some advice as to how to become a runner. First, I need to get over my ego and accept that I am NOT in shape. I need to walk/run/walk and not feel bad about it. My schedule is below. I consider myself in Week 1 now and Week 2 will start next week.

Week one: Walk for 6 minutes, then jog at an easy pace for 1 minute. Repeat 3 times. Aim for three sessions with that same sequence for week one.

Week two: Walk for 5 minutes, then jog for 2 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Aim to do three sessions in week two.

Week three: Walk for 3 minutes, then jog for 4 minutes. Repeat 4 times. Aim for four sessions in week three.

Week four: Walk for 2 minutes, then jog for 5 minutes. Repeat 4 times. Shoot for four of those sessions in week four.

Week five: Walk for 2 minutes, then jog for 8 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Do four of those sessions in week five.

Week six: Walk for 2 minutes, then jog for 9 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Try to do four sessions for week six.

Week seven: Walk for 1 minute, then jog for 11 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Do four sessions this week.

Week eight: Congratulations on making it to week eight! For your first run this week, try walking for 5 minutes to begin and end the workout, and run for 20 minutes in between. By the end of the week, try to run for 30 minutes without stopping.

This schedule is taken from About.com, which actually has a lot of good running advice. I few more tidbits I plan to incorporate into my routine are:

Land Midfoot - Don't be a toe runner or a heel-striker. If you land on your toes, your calves will get tight or fatigue quickly and you may develop shin pain. Landing on your heels means you have overstrided and you're braking, which wastes energy and may cause injury. Try to land on the middle of your foot, and then roll through to the front of your toes.

Fight the Mental Battle - Some beginner runners are actually physically fit enough to run a certain distance, but they don't have the confidence or mental strength to push themselves farther. In many cases, it's simply "mind over matter." Try to distract yourself by playing mind games, choosing new running routes, or running with other people.

Set Small Goals for Yourself - Having very short-term goals to work toward can also help with the mental challenges of running longer. Your goals can be as simple as, "Run to the next stop sign" (and then the next stop sign, and the one after that). As long as it keeps you moving, it doesn't matter how lame or uninspired your goal might seem.

Make running a priority - Schedule your runs and get your spouse on board so you get help with some of the child-care responsibilities. And get creative by taking advantage of opportunities to run. For example, if you're watching your kid's soccer game, run some laps around the field before or even during the game.

Here’s to staying motivated and meeting my weekly goals. Check back in to see how I am doing and of course your advice and support is welcome!

Finding that One Particular Harbor

Those that know me well know that I can stress over little things and am slightly OCD about order around me. I can get frustrated easily and need an outlet for such frustration or it just bottles up. I always wanted to find 'peace within' but without actually escaping to the sand and surf that calms me best I just can't seem to focus. I thought yoga would be a good way to get centered and in shape at the same time, but I became bored after about 5 minutes and then just thought of all the things I still needed to get done and the fact that I could be doing those things right then.

I have not always been this on edge and long for the days where flip flops and a good song would take me to that "One Particular Harbor". It is just so hard to get there now! I was flipping through the latest edition of Carolina Parent Magazine and stumpled upon an article called "The Secret to Happiness: It's No Secret." It turns out that in my struggle to balance everything in my life, putting Me last is the worst thing I could do. The article suggests taking time for myself and for my husband in order to be happy all around. Of course I do not appreciate that the article points out that shopping is NOT a positive activity, but I did find the article very interesting.

One bit of advice that I plan to incorporate in my daily life is to appreciate the 'micro-moments' and stop focusing on the huge stressful decisions. For example, I am going to stop thinking about where to send my kid to school and be happy that my husband is going to bring me a Chipotle burrito for lunch! If I can be happy with the little things, I think this will help with my overall attitude. I am also going to try to schedule 1 thing for myself each day. Maybe a bubble bath, maybe 15 minutes with a book... it doesn't matter how small, but this can give me something to look forward to each day. Today I will try to file my nails, they are getting pretty ragged. I will start small and work up to larger events that require a sitter. I also need to remember that I have a great life and no matter what work or other commitments may bring nothing is really THAT bad. Especially in light of the earthquake disaster in Haiti I need to wake up every morning and sing 'Its a beautiful day' and truly appreciate my life.

Another bit of good advice is to lower expectations. I rely heavily on lists for everything that I do. In a way it helps free my mind because I know everything I need to do is on the list, but at the same time it causes great stress when everything has not been completed. I need to lower my expectations and set goals of completing 3 things on the list a day. Now if only I could get everyone else to lower their expectations of me!

Here are 10 Steps to Increase Happiness as provided in the article:

1. Put on your own oxygen mask first. (Or take care of yourself first.)

2. Build a village.

3. Expect effort and enjoyment, not perfection.

4. Choose gratitude, forgiveness and optimism.

5. Raise children’s emotional intelligence.

6. Form happiness habits.

7. Teach self-discipline.

8. Enjoy the present.

9. Rig the environment for happiness.

10. Eat dinner together.

Good luck making a happier you!

Blogging 101

I am pretty sure the number 1 rule for writing an interesting blog is actually WRITING something and then hoping it is interesting to others. Well, the writing has been my problem. My excuse ... I don't have enough time. Really though it only takes a few minutes to write a blog, so my New Year's resolution is to contribute to my blog at least once a week. After spending hours trying to get this 'cool' new header added, I should at least write SOMETHING!

Thanks to My Messy Paradise for her "A Post About Blogging" which provided a lot of helpful links to keep me going!

Any other advice please comment.